·
“When
you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire”.
·
“H2O
is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”.
·
“When
you smell an odorless
gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”.
·
“Nitrogen
is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state”.
·
“Because
the North Pole is at the top of the World, and the South Pole is at the bottom
of the World, the magnetic pull makes people on the other side of the Equator
lean the opposite road to us”.
·
“Africans
are black because the Sun is very hot and they wear no clothes”.
·
“Bear’s
eat so much in summer that they go to sleep all winter to hydrate”.
·
“Water
is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin and Hydrogin is
gin and water”.
·
“The
three kinds of blood vessels are Arteries, Vanes and Caterpillars”.
·
“Blood
flows down one leg and up the other”.
·
“Respiration
is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration”.
·
“The
Moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader”.
·
“Australia
is under us on the other side of the World, and because everything is upside
down, Bats hang the right way up”.
·
“Artificial
insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull”.
·
“Dew
is formed on leaves when the Sun shines down and makes them perspire”.
·
“A
super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can”.
·
“Mushrooms
always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas”.
·
“People
who smoke die faster that people who don’t”.
·
“The
body consists of three parts, the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five- a, e, i, o and
u”.
·
“The
pistol of a flower is the only protection against insects”.
·
“The
skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides
have been taken off”.
·
“The
tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends towards the
Moon, because there is no water in the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I
forgot where the Sun joins in the fight”.
·
“A
fossil is an extinct animal. The older the fossil is, the more extinct it is”.
·
“Equator:
A managerie lion running round the Earth through Africa”.
·
“Germinate:
To become a naturalized German”.
·
“Momentum:
What people give to a person when they are going away”.
·
“Planet:
A body of earth surrounded by sky”.
·
“Rhubarb:
A kind of celery gone blood shot”.
·
“Vacuum:
A large empty space where the Pope lives”.
·
“Before
you give a blood transfusion, you should find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative”.
·
“For
a nosebleed: Put the head much lower than the body until the heart stops”.
·
“For
drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial
perspiration”.
·
“For
fainting: Rub the persons chest or, if a lady , rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor”.
·
“For
dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill
it”.
·
“For
asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead”.
·
“The
common market is in France and it is open everyday except Sunday”.
·
“People
from England go to the common market to buy cigarettes and beer because it is
cheaper than buying it in the shops”.
·
“Africa
is in Egypt”.
·
“Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100ft clipper”.
·
“Romeo’s
last request was, to be laid by Juliet”.
·
“People
from other country’s talk foreign because they don’t know English”.
·
“A
motion is something the government tries to pass”.
·
“Istanbul
is a bridge between two continents, Europe and Turkey”.
·
“The
Earth goes round the sun, and in summer it is on the hottest side of the sun”.